Remember that post when I said I wasn’t going to apply SEO to my blog? OK, so this post’s title is total bait. I noticed that “how to not be lonely” was suggested by Google (along with “how to get pregnant”- sheesh) any time I started typing “how to…” And it got me thinking, which apparently gets me blogging.

Also steering my mind towards loneliness was a post on Jezebel this week about the book Lonely: A Memoir by Emily White. Now, I haven’t read the book yet but it’s definitely on my must-read list.

Loneliness has so much shame attached to it. Loneliness is seen, many times, as the fault of the person suffering it. What can solve loneliness, according to modern media and self help books? Getting out there, having a good time! Put a smile on your face, you won’t be lonely!

Ugh, spare me.

I’m shy. I live in a town of 2000 people. My friends live at least two hours away and, in some cases, on the other coast. My husband works nights and sleeps days — I get maybe 3 or 4 hours with him a day. And he’s my husband — not a friend. (That’s a post for another time, I guess. I’m not one to believe my husband is automatically my best friend) I don’t have anyone to go to the movies with, or happy hour, or lunch, or shopping, or the rec center to work out.

However, I’m not lonely.

I was lonely, at certain times in my life. My sophomore and junior years in college, I was so lonely that I used to go on insanely long walks of 8-10 miles, and carry a running conversation in my brain. I used to lay in bed until 3pm, not sleeping, just laying there. I guess you could call it depression, but looking back on it, I think it was loneliness. I didn’t want to get out of bed and face that I had no one to talk to. I actually had friends and a boyfriend at this point in my life, I just didn’t like them.

I’m not lonely because I have real friends in my life. Sure, I may only talk to them online, or over the phone and only occasionally see them when I travel, but know that there are people out there that know me makes me un-lonely. I’m also not lonely because I don’t buy into the guilting bullshit that media shows us — BFFs getting together every other night. BFFs that are always there for you, in person, ready to stick a cocktail in your hand and take you out for a night on the town like they don’t have a life themselves and just exist to make you feel better.

I’m not lonely, because I don’t choose to be lonely.

Today on Jezebel, Sadie shared a story about having an incident when visiting a new gym. In her words, a middle school incident. Fleeing in panic and anxiety when faced with an unfamiliar environment, full of people who knew what they were doing, knew the rules and who looked the part of the snotty sorority gym bitch.

Funny, while most, if not all, of the commenters commiserated with her experience, and shared their own gym horror stories, I saw the situation being less a story of “uncomfortable gym experience” as “something only shy people do.”

How can I say this? Well, I’m a very experienced flee-er. I can’t say this for certain, but I believe flee-ers are usually shy people, who have an intense desire to “follow rules” and extreme anxiety when faced with not knowing what to do.

I fled from a doctors office, because they’ve told me to go to such-and-such room, and all the rooms look the same, and I kept going in the wrong room, and it all just became completely overwhelming and scary. What was I doing wrong? How come I can’t find this room? Etc. So I left without seeing the doctor, and paid the bill that was sent three weeks later, wrinkling my nose in shame.

I’ve fled from stores, where I’ve wanted to buy something. No salesperson was around, or the process to buy something wasn’t clearly defined.

I fled from Fuddrucker’s once, because I didn’t understand how the system to order food worked.

I’m sure that I have fled from a group fitness class before. I tend to be less panicky at gyms, because I have been going so long and I know people aren’t as judgmental as other people may think.

I’d love to hear more flee-er stories, because it makes me feel less alone, and less of a freak.