1. Everyone’s an expert at something. Write about what you know!
2. Your life is interesting and relevant to somebody. Write about it!
3. Dump a bunch of SEO keywords and linkbait on a page. Make money off of it!

The only problem with these three blogging strategies are that:

1. There are 8 million other people writing about what I am an “expert” at: cooking, freelancing, telecommunication, container gardening, reading, etc. (and I use the term expert VERY loosely).
2. My life is not that interesting and, even if it was, I’m not really into sharing that much anymore.
3. Don’t want to confuse my day job with something I do in my spare time.

So, yeah, I’m really struggling with the self-indulgent nature of blogging. I have some ideas for the future, but I’m not sure they are sound strategies. We’ll see! Apparently every blogger struggles with doubt, according to Problogger. Which apparently now you have to pay for. Sigh.

Consider today, your typical boring rainy Sunday. So far today, I’ve:

1. made paneer
2. started palak paneer simmering on the stove
3. called mom, sis in law and friend
4. vacuumed house
5. wiped down baseboards
6. cleaned bathroom (tried to clean bathtub with grapefruit - this does not work)
7. washed and folded laundry
8. showered

and it’s only 3pm, and I am sitting down to write a blog entry (#9 on my list). And I did all this without running around frantically — I even watched a little TV and read some Martha Stewart Living.

(Sidenote: she puts me to shame, obviously, but she also has employees)

I could ascribe my productivity to the Seven Habits of Highly Effective people (never read it), Emotional Intelligence (this concept makes me…uncomfortable) or the Get it Done method, but really, my way of being productive can be broken down into three steps.

Make a to do list Yes, even for the weekend. Yes, even if all you plan on doing is a load of dishes. I can’t overemphasize how accomplished it feels checking off each of your to dos as you finish. For more complicated projects, like canning jam, sorting through summer clothes, or freelance writing projects or bids, I break the project down into actionable steps. Nerdiness wins out.

Know how approximately long each project will take This is a harder, even impossible concept for some people to grasp — in fact, not knowing how long tasks take has been identified as a cause of chronic lateness — but sitting down, and taking a few minutes to visualize how your day will fit together is like building a Lego house. Some blocks may fit together, but certain block fit together better.

Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t do everything you’ve planned. Or anything. Shame, guilt and mental punishing affects your ability to get out of your head. How are you supposed to move on and start being productive when you’re ruminating of what you failed to do three hours ago?

Also steering my mind towards loneliness was a post on Jezebel this week about the book Lonely: A Memoir by Emily White. Now, I haven’t read the book yet but it’s definitely on my must-read list.

Loneliness has so much shame attached to it. Loneliness is seen, many times, as the fault of the person suffering it. What can solve loneliness, according to modern media and self help books? Getting out there, having a good time! Put a smile on your face, you won’t be lonely!

Ugh, spare me.

I’m shy. I live in a town of 2000 people. My friends live at least two hours away and, in some cases, on the other coast. My husband works nights and sleeps days — I get maybe 3 or 4 hours with him a day. And he’s my husband — not a friend. (That’s a post for another time, I guess. I’m not one to believe my husband is automatically my best friend) I don’t have anyone to go to the movies with, or happy hour, or lunch, or shopping, or the rec center to work out.

However, I’m not lonely.

I was lonely, at certain times in my life. My sophomore and junior years in college, I was so lonely that I used to go on insanely long walks of 8-10 miles, and carry a running conversation in my brain. I used to lay in bed until 3pm, not sleeping, just laying there. I guess you could call it depression, but looking back on it, I think it was loneliness. I didn’t want to get out of bed and face that I had no one to talk to. I actually had friends and a boyfriend at this point in my life, I just didn’t like them.

I’m not lonely because I have real friends in my life. Sure, I may only talk to them online, or over the phone and only occasionally see them when I travel, but know that there are people out there that know me makes me un-lonely. I’m also not lonely because I don’t buy into the guilting bullshit that media shows us — BFFs getting together every other night. BFFs that are always there for you, in person, ready to stick a cocktail in your hand and take you out for a night on the town like they don’t have a life themselves and just exist to make you feel better.

I’m not lonely, because I don’t choose to be lonely.

Instead, I mainly write menu copy for my day job.

I’ve having a hard time leaving my day job. It doesn’t help that my job is on the ever-present internet, and the more content I produce, the better it is for my company. Quality is key but quantity is, as well. Creating attractive menu copy for my company is important, but taking care of myself is even more useful. Expanding my portfolio is taking care of myself!

Starting tomorrow, a new pattern. Two nights a week on personal writing, two nights a week on menu copy and one night a week to choose. I’ll probably lazy it up that night and watch Netflix.

Funny, while most, if not all, of the commenters commiserated with her experience, and shared their own gym horror stories, I saw the situation being less a story of “uncomfortable gym experience” as “something only shy people do.”

How can I say this? Well, I’m a very experienced flee-er. I can’t say this for certain, but I believe flee-ers are usually shy people, who have an intense desire to “follow rules” and extreme anxiety when faced with not knowing what to do.

I fled from a doctors office, because they’ve told me to go to such-and-such room, and all the rooms look the same, and I kept going in the wrong room, and it all just became completely overwhelming and scary. What was I doing wrong? How come I can’t find this room? Etc. So I left without seeing the doctor, and paid the bill that was sent three weeks later, wrinkling my nose in shame.

I’ve fled from stores, where I’ve wanted to buy something. No salesperson was around, or the process to buy something wasn’t clearly defined.

I fled from Fuddrucker’s once, because I didn’t understand how the system to order food worked.

I’m sure that I have fled from a group fitness class before. I tend to be less panicky at gyms, because I have been going so long and I know people aren’t as judgmental as other people may think.

I’d love to hear more flee-er stories, because it makes me feel less alone, and less of a freak.

I always have a “goal” for my 5Ks: the first goal was to actually complete one (DONE) and the second goal was to complete one without walking (DONE). My goal this time is to complete in under 30 minutes, setting a personal record (PR in runner dork words).

Even though I am running what is technically a “race,” I don’t compete against anyone but myself. I internalized this idea, but it took some thinking on a post on Cranky Fitness for me to really accept it.

The gist is that you’re sabotaging yourself and what you can do when you compare yourself to others. I’m a 5′4 woman with short legs and a larger, more muscular build. I DO NOT look like the women in my runner magazines. But by setting my own goals, I have achieved more than I ever thought I could. When I started running, I couldn’t even run a mile without feeling like I would throw up blood. Now, I can run three miles or more at a time at a sustained pace.

I can’t wait to post next week that I have completed a 5K in 30 minutes!

1. I’m resourceful
I don’t have a real desk, a printer and I only have one pen. But, I make it work and I’m not constantly fretting about having the perfect office. In fact, the only thing I really want is a printer eventually.

2. I’m on task
For the most part, I don’t get distracted by Jezebel or CNN, and if I do, I find it easier than before to steer my attention back to the topic at hand.

3. I’m not as scared of the phone
This is a real surprise to me. For years I have suffered phone anxiety and avoided it all cost. Now, I find it much easier to pick up the phone (well, Skype) and call someone. No longer do I have to make a phone script, either.

4. I’m not a slacker
How was I going to deal with the siren song of my couch, or the TV, or the latest Netflix, I worried right before I started this work from home deal. The thing is, it’s not much of a worry at all. I know that I have to work 8:30 - 5, and I do it. There’s not any temptation, because I am at work. I worry what will happen when I don’t feel well, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it, I suppose.

5. I’m great at the final product
I’m not longer being judged by my 3pm coffee break, or by the fact that I ducked out the door at 4:45. All that people see is what I have achieved, and it’s a success!

Why not? Why am I not proving to prospective clients my crack ability to optimize content? Why am I not connecting with like-minded bloggers, forming partnerships and doing guest posts? Why am I not getting my expertise out there?

Well, to start with, I’m tired. I think about SEO 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week (or, at least ideally I do). The day I click on Google’s Keyword Tool for a blog entry is the day I leave my day job for something less SEO-focused.

Also, SEO is a lot of work for little reward, at least in the beginning. Once you’ve got a solid SEO plan in the works, it’s more self-sustaining. But at least now, I envision this blog as a way for me to show off my writing and not a testament of my SEO skills. Want a testament? In one year (2009), I took MustHaveMenus from a Page Rank of 1 to a PR of 4. (I had a lot of help and direction along the way—It wasn’t all me)

Lastly, I’m not ready for the world to find me. Luckily, I have achieved a “Hiding in plain sight” status when it comes to the internet. I share my name with a popular interior designer from California’s wine country, and an ex-contestant on Rock of Love. I show up on page 1 of Google when you look for my name, but which one am I? When I’m ready to step out of the shadows of all the other Erin Martins out there, I’ll know what to do.

And I’ll just blame any drunk party pictures on the Erin from Rock of Love.

1. Publish something, anywhere other than a web content site or blog
Pretty self explanatory. I write so much for my full time job, that I am a little burnt out when it comes to my personal writing, but it’s important for me to keep my writing skills relevant. I have ideas, just not the drive and motivation to get them down. I plan on carving out one evening a week to dedicate to my personal writing.

2.Learn a new web skill
Ok, I know that is pretty vague. But I haven’t pinpointed exactly what I should learn to make me even more well rounded. I keep thinking I should learn Flash, but I am not sure that is the way to go. So, I plan on researching what web skills are needed in today’s world, choosing one, and trying to become proficient in it.

3. Make a valuable partnership at work
Part of my latest job description (which probably will change) is to pursue partnerships with heavy hitters in the food industry world. I have my sights set on Sysco. I’m writing a proposal right now, and will be contacting people in the new year to get this idea off the ground.

4. Publicize/garner attention to one of my blogs
It would be great if the attention was directed to the MustHaveMenus Blog, but any of three blogs I work on deserve a little bit more attention. You reap what you put into them, so I will be directing more attention towards them in 2010.

5.Get my new web site up and active
This goal is kind of a cop out, because it’s pretty definite that it will happen. But hey, everybody needs an easy victory, right? I’m half done, so expect this goal to be completed in the next week or so.

1. Not as much peer pressure
I won’t be asked about projects as much. I won’t be subject to constant status updates, and, because the team I was working on was disbanded, I won’t be held accountable in weekly meetings. I’ll have to hold MYSELF accountable

2. I’ll worry that people will talk about my work
I won’t be there to discourage gossip, so instead I will obsess over turning in perfect work to dissuade gossipers. However, I have learned that gossip is inevitable, so I’m just going to have to let go and turn in GOOD work.

3. Same old, same old - I’m scared of failure
I’m really, really scared I’ll screw up this chance I’ve been given. I’ve failed at so much; veganism, a Masters in Public Management degree, being a good friend and a good wife at times. What if I fail this new life? Not only will I be letting down myself, but I will be letting down my husband, and my boss. Can my tenuous self image handle that?